MEN ARE FROM BACON, WOMEN ARE FROM CUPCAKES

mind_of_man

John DeVore has a theory he expounds upon in The Frisky – “Men don’t have a passion for sweet treats the way women do. If given a choice between a sugary confection and something savory, men will choose the latter. This is not some kind of random, sweeping gender generalization I just made up. I have scientific proof.

 

Like many big cities, New York has seen the arrival over the past few years of novelty food trucks. These trucks sell everything from waffles and tacos to schnitzel and BBQ. Yesterday I walked by two such trucks. One sold cupcakes, the other Asian dumplings. Women stood eagerly in line for cupcakes, but I made a beeline for the dumplings. They were delicious, meat-stuffed globules of delight. Dumplings are my anti-cupcake.

Women love cupcakes, men not so much. I am not morally opposed to cupcakes. I won’t be protesting them anytime soon. They’re just tiny cakes. I get that. I love cocktail weenies because they’re tiny hot dogs, and then I can pretend I’m sexy Godzilla. But let’s all be bluntly honest here: cupcakes are overrated. I’ve been to Magnolia Bakery. I’ve seen women anxiously waiting in line, and then watched them levitate with ecstasy afterwards. (NYSF: Magnolia is highly overrated.)

The cupcake mania is almost as obnoxious as what I call bacon madness. I love bacon. I love it with eggs, on burgers, and it makes a delicious meatloaf moisturizer. But my gender has taken that too far. There’s a limit to the amount a man can eat of those salty ribbons of taste bud-smashing pig flesh. There is a fundamentalist Church of Pig out there, and its priests have faith in only one thing: bacon.

For those who are diet conscious, like myself, it’s good to know that bacon is actually OK to eat by some legit diet programs. One example is the ketogenic diet, which claims that bacon is super keto friendly!

However, Bacon doesn’t make everything better. For instance, here are three things bacon doesn’t improve: unemployment, herpes, and scotch.” (NYSF: Not sure if we agree about scotch.)

John goes off even more here about chocolate and other miscellaneous things. Wonder what he would make of the choinkwich?

What do you think? Are men more into savories and women into sweets? Let’s talk about it in the comments section.

choinkwich
choinkwich

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