“Should we dress up as tourists?” I ask my photographer before we leave. A ridiculous notion, prompting a subsequent thought of how a tourist dresses as well as why don’t I own any clothes with color in them. I settle on green sneakers, pack a big water bottle, and hop on the train downtown. After running to catch a crosstown bus and getting my foot trodden on by a gigantic baby stroller, we manage to arrive a few minutes early.
A Food Tour of the Upper East Side by Tasty Tours NYC
Ryan Watts, my point of contact as well as our tour guide from Tasty Tours NYC, is not dressed as a tourist but something about him stands out nonetheless, and he is easily identified as the group leader before even shaking his hand. He introduces himself and it is immediately clear he’s not from around here — he’s Australian.
I am delighted. Nothing is more New York than attending a food tour of the Upper East Side led by a man who is not only the co-owner and operator of the business, but who was neither born nor raised here. If anything, I think to myself, this will be an adventure.
It goes without saying that I am starving. The Tasty Tour NYC starts at 11 o’clock in the morning, and I skipped breakfast in anticipation. Halfway through Ryan’s introductory speech (he mentions something about providing food for the mind as well as food for the soul, amongst other intelligent-sounding bits of conversation) my eyes zero in on the unassuming brown bag he’s holding.
I bet they’re bagels. How he has the self-control to not open the bag and wolf down its contents, I have no idea. I only know I’m reaching near-feral raccoon status in hunger and probably — definitely — should have eaten something before leaving. The rest of the tour group is small, four people, all of whom have some familiarity with each other, and I pray that they don’t notice how close to drooling I am.
H&H Bagels
The tour kicks off in front of H&H Bagels, a local and distinctly non-touristy joint that has the eternally tasty (and aesthetic) North Fork chips stocked in the baskets above cloudy glass bakery cases. The wallpaper is faded, the floor tiles are a bit stained, and the amount of people jostling in and out is unbelievable. It also smells quite inviting. Warm, yeasty, toasty aromas envelop us as Ryan talks about the store’s history.
Finally — finally — he pulls the bagels out of the bag (I knew it). We are each given half an everything bagel, with a generous schmear of plain cream cheese, and they’re warm through the parchment paper. I know that everything tastes better when you’re hungry, but this is a good bagel. Not monstrously sized, but rather small and impeccably dense, with a chew that becomes clear only after sinking your teeth past the exterior crisp of the crust. Everything bagels are, of course, the only bagels worth mentioning and I’ll die on that hill. Needless to say, I feel so much better after eating this.
Cultural & Community Landmarks
As promised, this tour takes us across some intriguing cultural landmarks. We see the oldest comedy club in the city, where Chris Rock might casually drop by with some new material for unexpected patrons. We see a beautiful and slightly mysterious mural paying homage to the community’s German-heavy history, complete with painted gargoyles that resemble “John Lennon, if he were E.T.”
It is unnerving and completely accurate. We pass by an old diner that has been here for nearly a century, with hundreds of glass Coke bottles in any and all flavors imaginable (I see a Vidalia onion one). We even pass by Madonna’s house, and Ryan sheepishly says that although he has seen her a few times, she never looks too pleased to see him or the rest of the tour group. But the highlights of the tour are undoubtedly the food, so let us pivot back to that.
Agata & Valentina
We stop in front of Agata & Valentina, a small and densely packed local grocery store known for being, well, small and densely packed. Shelves and products, both fresh and packaged, line the walls and nearly every available walking space. It’s locals only, as I’m shooed to the left by an elderly lady only to be bumped into by a different elderly lady weaving through the aisle with a classic New York grocery canvas tote, the kind with wheels and a handle.
We are given twelve minutes to pass through and purchase anything we want; Ryan is heading to the bakery section (I don’t even realize there is a completely separate bakery until later) to buy the group some pastries.
I am notoriously bad at grocery shopping; I walk in and am immediately bamboozled by sight and smell. I want to buy the mashed potatoes, I want their potato pancakes. Wait, what? They have calamari pancakes? And oooh, look at all these great cheeses! And I love these crackers, they’re delightfully crispy without cutting your cheeks apart.
Pomegranates go for $5.99 each, but every other piece of produce is priced per pound. Their pizza looks amazing, their preserved meat section is phenomenal, and they have rose scented potato chips. They do not, however, have Cantal cheese. We run out of time and leave the store without buying anything; my companion has to literally shove me out the door as I continually get distracted by pretty packaging and savory smells.
Ryan brings us cannolis instead of the rugelach he normally picks up for the tour. They’re small, incredibly fresh, and bursting with chocolate chips and cannoli cream. The pastry shell has gravity and a satisfying crunch, with a lingering cinnamon sensation. The filling is not too sweet and is pleasantly light. Overall, better than the majority of cannolis I’ve eaten in Little Italy downtown. My companion, who is not a fan of sweets, gives it somewhat begrudging praise and admits, “It’s pretty good.”
Photo by Chris S.
Xi’an Famous Foods
Our next food stop is at Xi’an Famous Foods, a local Queens-based chain serving up a great origin story as well as some of the most consistently delectable spicy cumin lamb dishes I’ve ever had, all at an excellent price point. I have previously eaten their lamb burger and hand ripped noodles, both of which are bombastically tasty with care given to flavor, texture, and spice level.
Today, however, we are here for their dumplings. They’re not dainty, like soup dumplings, but more closely resemble those made by my grandmother when I was a child — hearty and generously stuffed, with a thicker skin that has the most satisfying chew and bounce. They are served with dumpling sauce, a mix of housemade chili crisp, hot oil, black vinegar, soy sauce, and sesame oil.
“Heavy on the dump,” Ryan informs me, before quickly adding, “Please don’t put that in the review.” Sorry, Ryan. If it makes you feel any better, both my photographer and I were completely smitten by these pockets of heavenly, savory, meaty goodness. Not spicy enough to make you cry, but enough to linger on the lips and throat as a reminder of the deliciousness you just encountered. My photographer enthusiastically notes their pleasant “ma la,” or numbing spicy sensation, as well as their delightfully porky filling.
Mimi’s Pizza
Next up? Pizza. Even though a classic New York slice is around every corner, and New Yorkers would probably set the joint on fire if it was genuinely bad, there are still a few standouts in all corners of the city. I have been partial to Scarr’s on the Lower East Side for the past few years (Louie & Ernie’s is a bit of a hike but arguably better), but Ryan takes us to Mimi’s.
They’ve only been open since late 2020, but this pizza might be the best of the lot. They let their dough rest for 72 hours, ensuring high gluten development (read: the perfectly crispy yet chewy crust that is just thin enough to be translucent but not too thin to be crackerlike) and superior flavor. The pizzas cook in minutes, and though there is a steady stream of locals milling in and out, our wait time seems shorter than average.
We are each given half a slice and after one sniff, I am transported to a land where literally nothing matters except this pizza. I don’t realize my tongue and throat are burned until minutes later. I don’t even realize my slice is gone until my hands are sad and empty. I am in a state of extremely rare euphoria. The sauce is tangy and not overly sweet. The cheese is savory and salty. But the crust.
The crust is the platonic ideal of crusts. Puffy outer crust, thin and chewy middle crust, a little stretch and breakage when you fold it in half but not enough to let even the teensiest portion of sauce or cheese leak out, the slightest hint of char. I could write sonnets about this crust. My photographer comments that this is “a classic slice, done in the best way,” and I actually go back and buy two more slices.
Do not sleep on the grandma pies; their crust is even crispier, thanks to the special pan it gets baked in, yielding shatteringly crispy edges crusted with cheese. By the time I’m done, a sledgehammer could have hit me on the head and I wouldn’t feel a thing. Well done, Ryan.
Levain Bakery
Our last stop is Levain Bakery, the most touristy spot on this food tour. Well known for their enormously dense, heart-stoppingly melted, chocolate bomb-infused cookies, this bakery is charming and smells like baking butter. I get the chocolate chip walnut; my photographer gets dark chocolate peanut butter.
They’re both good and very rich. I love the slight bitter edge the walnuts bring, toning down the intensely sugary dough. The chocolate chips are warm and melty and not too sweet either. But I keep stealing bites of my companion’s cookie. It is unctuous and velvety, studded with salty peanut butter chips, and offers a better balance of flavor and texture.
Final Thoughts
Throughout the entire tour by Tasty Tours NYC, Ryan is the quintessential guide. Even prior to meeting him, his communication is quick and effortless, and I appreciate how easy it is to reach out and ask any questions. On the tour itself, Ryan is funny, spirited, and never strays from being professional. He brings water, plates, and utensils. He goes out of his way to speak to each group member and happily tells us about the adventures that brought him here from Australia. It is clear that he is a true food enthusiast, from the time and effort it takes him to establish the respectful rapport he holds with each vendor we visit.
As a local, I had been worried that this would feel touristy or ingenuine, but that fear is happily unfounded — if anything, I now have a couple of new spots to impress my out-of-town friends and family. This tour was informative and thoughtfully designed to build off the area’s existing culture and community, and Ryan was truly focused on ensuring that all the food we ate was not only delicious but that its importance to the city and to the locals captured our attention. I would not hesitate to recommend his tours (he also hosts them on the Upper West Side and in Greenwich Village) to tourists and locals alike.
Three Best Bites
- H&H everything bagel: sometimes it’s good not to stray from tradition
2. Xi’an Famous Foods spicy dumplings: deeply satisfying and flavorful
- Mimi’s Pizza plain cheese slice: veritable euphoria on a grease-stained paper plate
Bathroom Corner
Ryan has lined up a couple of sit-down eateries that have bathrooms available. They’re not winning any cleanliness awards but they get the job done.
Want to read more of our latest reviews? Check out our visit to Tino’s Deli on Arthur Ave. in the bronx.
